Automatic For The People
by Sandman Cometh
Summary: [Complete]Songfics that find the Titans each dealing with the events of Aftershock and Terra's loss in their own way. Based on songs from R.E.M.'s Automatic for the People.
1. The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight

The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight

_This here is the place I will be staying.  
There isn't a number. You can call the pay phone.  
Let it ring a long, long, long, long time._

Starfire sat in her room alone. Normally, she was happy in here, and why wouldn't she? There were poster on the wall of everything that made her happy. The small army of stuffed animals that lay on the foot of her bed. For someone like Star, this room would be perfect. But today, nothing helped. Not after what happened. Not after Terra...

_If I don't pick up, hang up, call back, let it ring some more.  
If I don't pick up, pick up... The sidewinder sleeps, sleeps, sleeps in a coil_

Star could feel the tears start to build behind her eyes again. "Why?" she asked herself over and over again. Why had Terra had to sacrifice herself like that? Why had she had to redeem herself? It made everything so very hard. Starfire had been ready to deal with her once. Before today, all she felt for Terra was a white-hot hate. Terra had been the betrayer, the wolf in the fold, someone who had used them and their trust for her own selfish means.

_There are scratches all around the coin slot  
Like a heartbeat, baby trying to wake up,  
But this machine can only swallow money.  
You can't lay a patch by computer design.  
It's just a lot of stupid, stupid signs._

_Tell her,  
Tell her she can kiss my ass, then laugh and say that you were only kidding.  
That way she'll know that it's really, really, really, really me._

But then, everything had changed. In one swift second, Terra had made them forget about all that. She had done one last good thing.. and it had cost her everything. But how could that be? Why did Star feel pity for someone who had betrayed her and stolen her belief? She had talked to Robin, but even he hadn't been able to make sense out of it. All he kept saying was, "It's a stage. It'll pass." But that had to be a lie. If it was natural then nothing made sense. If such a strange and hypocritical thing could fester in her heart, then how could anything else make sense? And how could it ever go away?

_Baby, instant soup doesn't really grab me.  
Today I need something more sub-sub-sub-substantial.  
A can of beans or blackeyed peas, some Nescafe and ice,  
A candy bar, a falling star, or a reading of Doctor Seuss;_

But what if it wasn't a lie? What if it was a truth? After all, hadn't it been like this with her sister? Hadn't she taken all the love and trust Star had felt for her and spit it back in her face? But that wasn't true either. Because despite all that, Star still loved her sister. Maybe then, that was she had to do. Maybe, to finally end this all, she needed to let go of the hate that did nothing but burn her. Maybe Starfire had to forgive Terra, as she had forgiven her own family. That forgiveness, that love.. maybe it was the salve that she needed. But would she ever be able to use it? Would she ever see Terra again and tell her all this?

_The cat in the hat came back, wrecked a lot of havoc on the way,  
Always had a smile and a reason to pretend.  
But their world has flat backgrounds and little need to sleep but to dream.  
The sidewinder sleeps on his back._

_Call me when you try to wake her up. Call me when you try to wake her.  
I can always sleep standing up. Call me when you try to wake her._

_We've got to moogie, moogie, move on this one._


	2. Everybody Hurts

Everybody Hurts

_When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,_

WHAM! Cyborg delivered another blow to the punching bag. He hit again harder, and then harder still. Finally, with one blow, he knocked it off its hook and blasted it into the wall. Normally, this would have been an achievement for him. But now, it didn't feel like anything. Cyborg sighed; frankly, he didn't know what to make of anything anymore. Ever since Terra, nothing about the world made sense to him. He had never been good at letting his emotions out, and now he had all these feeling bottled up inside.

_When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on._

_Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts_ _sometimes_.

Cyborg knew Terra had been a traitor, that she had sold them out. But even when they had fought, he hadn't been able to completely hate her. There was a spark within him, that kept telling him that he should be trying to help her. But it was wrong. It had to be.

_Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.  
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)  
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)  
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on._

_I'm kidding myself._ he thought suddenly. He did know where that spark had come from. Cy looked down at his hands, made of metal and bone. That was where the spark come from. From the metal body that had been his for so long now. He remembered he first had it. The people who stared at him on the streets, the feelings of fear loathing that came from them, and himself. The loss of so much of his humanity and of all the things he'd held dear. He remembered it like it was yesterday. He had been ready to just be alone, for the rest of his life. But then, he had met the Titans; people like him, people who different from everybody else. He smiled, remembering the joy he had felt, at finally getting a family that he felt a part of again.

_Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.  
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.  
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone_

That was why. He felt sorry for her, even now, because Terra had been so much like him. She had been an outcast, not because of what she looked like, but because of what she could do. Both of them had been given great gifts, and those gifts had made them outcasts. But he had found a family early on, and she had been alone for so long. Maybe that, more anything else had driven her away from them. But why hadn't he seen it? Why hadn't he recognized those feelings that had been such a part of himself once?

_If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,  
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on._

He just wished.. that he had been able to talk to her about it. To make her, and maybe himself understand that finding those close friends was all you could do, and then you had to hold tight. Because family was so very hard to find, and they would always be there, if you needed them. Cyborg thought about it, as he felt a tear begin to run down his human cheek.

_Well, everybody hurts sometimes,  
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.  
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.  
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on._


	3. Sweetness Follows

Sweetness Follows

_Readying to bury your father and your mother,  
What did you think when you lost another?_

He sat alone, on a cliff overlooking the ocean. He watched the waters the water watch over the shore, just like his emotions washed over his heart. Beast Boy turned, and looked at the statue that until recently, had been a person. A person that had been the best friend he had ever had. Terra... but she was gone. He tried to tell himself that it had been her choice, that she had wanted to do something good at the end of her life. But part of him blamed himself. He blamed himself because he hadn't been able to get close to her fast enough. What if he had been able to talk her out of it? What if he could have pulled her from Slade sooner? But he hadn't. And because of that, he thought that nothing he had done for had been of any good.

_I used to wonder why did you bother,  
Distanced from one, blind to the other?_

It was funny really, he thought. This wasn't the first time he'd felt this sort of pain. Beast Boy remembered the day his parents had died. He'd just been a kid, but the memory would haunt him to his deathbed. He remembered the waterfall, how his powers had kicked in, how he had been able to save himself... but not them. He'd felt worthless then and had wanted to punish himself for not being able to do anything. But instead, he'd just wandered from guardian to guardian, until he met the Titans. They were the only family he had left. He loved them like family, and he feared for them like they were his siblings. But that caused him pain too. If they were family, then everyone had failed Terra. That meant they had helped him in the biggest failure of his life

_Listen here my sister and my brother  
What would you care if you lost the other?  
I always wonder why did we bother,  
Distanced from one, deaf to the other_

No, that wasn't true. Beast Boy knew that everyone had tried to save her. Even Raven had tried in the end. That wasn't him talking; it was the depression with in him. He'd carried those feeling with him for years; he knew them well. But now... it was all he could feel. He didn't know if they would leave him this time. Everything he'd done before, to make them leave, seemed meaningless.

_Oh, oh, oh but sweetness follows  
It's these little things, they can pull you under.  
Live your life filled with joy and wonder._

_I always knew this altogether thunder  
Was lost in our little lives_

_What would she say?_ He thought as he looked at the statue. Would she have told him to try to let go, and live his life? Or would she condemn him forfailing to save her? He wished for a sign, for something to tell him what to do. Suddenly, he heard a plink noise from the water. Beast Boy turned and saw that part of the rocks had fallen from the cliff. As he watched, the gravel separated and started to sink. One by one, all the rocks slipped under the water. Sighing, Beast Boy started to turn away, but then, one rock bobbed back to the surface. It floated along to the edge of the beach, then washed ashore. Beast Boy walked over to the surf, and picked it up. He looked at it in the palm of his hand. He stood there staring for a long time.

_Oh, oh, oh but sweetness follows.  
Oh, oh, oh but sweetness follows.  
It's these little things, they can pull you under.  
Live your life filled with joy and thunder.  
Yeah, yeah we were altogether  
Lost in our little lives._


	4. Monty Got a Raw Deal

Monty Got a Raw Deal

_Monty this seems strange to me  
The movies had that movie thing,  
But nonsense has a welcome ring  
And heroes don't come easy_

Robin looked hard in the mirror. Staring back at him was a person he had begun to wonder about. He had thought himself a hero, someone who did good for everyone. But was that him? Was he really using the training and equipment that had made him this way for the best? Or was had he become so obsessed with playing hero that he forgotten how to really save people anymore?

_Now nonsense isn't new to me  
I know my head, I know my feet,  
But mischief knocked me in the knees  
Said, Just let go, just let go_

Ever since he had become Robin, he'd been met with challenges. Villains, lives in jeopardy, innocents to save. But he'd always saved them from evil that he could see. Evil that could be beaten with a staff or a Birdarang. But Terra.. had been evil within herself. It was something that he should have dealt with. All he needed was to talk to her, to be mentored to the way he had been. But he couldn't do the job Batman had once done. Instead, he had let Slade do it.

_I saw the ocean meet the man  
I saw you buried in the sand  
A friend was there to hold your hand,  
Said, Walk on by_

Because of his failure, Slade had twisted her soul. He had made her into a monster, because Robin hadn't been able to see what was right in front of him. Then, he finally tired to say what was right, what he needed to say, she didn't want to listen anymore. All she had wanted was to be alone.

_So, I went walking through the street  
I saw you strung up in a tree  
A woman knelt there said to me,  
Said, Hold your tongue, ma, hold your tongue_

He could still remember her bitter words to him. Those words of hate and disdain for all that he had tried to do. He'd wanted to help her, to do for her what had been done for him. But it had been too late.

_You don't owe me anything  
You don't want this sympathy (waste your breath)  
Don't you waste your breath (waste your breath)  
For the silver screen_

The worst thing was, he could so much of himself in her now. Not how was now but how he had used to be. The feelings of fear, not knowing what to do with your life. The knowledge of some greater purpose that you just couldn't fit into. He had found his place with Batman. But she had found it with Slade. Did that mean that your purpose wasn't what you made it? That it was the people you cared about who put you on path to walk? That all you could ever be in life was the sum of somebody else's work?

_That nonsense doesn't mean a thing,  
They tried to bust you in a sting,  
But virtue isn't everything  
So, don't waste time_

No. Even he hadn't met Batman, Robin would still be here. He would still be fighting, in some way. Everyone chose what they did, and Terra had made her choice. But then, she had made another one and it had redeemed her. And she had taught him something. It didn't matter how many bad guys you took down, you had to remember to see past them and into the people you were trying to save. He was still ahero, and now he would be a better one. If Terra could teach him that in death, then he would remember it in life.

_Now, here's a rhyme that you can steal  
Put this on your reel to reel  
Mischief threw a rotten deal  
Monty's laying low, man  
He is laying low  
Just let go, y'all  
Just let go_


	5. Nightswimming

Nightswimming

_Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.  
The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago,  
Turned around backwards so the windshield shows.  
Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse.  
Still, it's so much clearer.  
I forgot my shirt at the water's edge.  
The moon is low tonight._

"Ugh." She muttered and placed the book down. Noting could hold Raven's interest for long today. Not after what had happened. She sighed. Looking around the room, she could see Terra in everything. It had seemed like years since she'd been here, as one of them. Raven could see her by the couch, playing video games with Beast Boy. She was in the kitchen, eating Starfire's alien food with joy. But then, she was attacking them, beating them down... _No. This is pointless_ Raven thought suddenly. Terra was gone, and this pointless wandering was a waste of her energy. She had to clear her mind of this. Deciding to mediate, Raven walked to her room.

_Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.  
I'm not sure all these people understand.  
It's not like years ago,  
The fear of getting caught,  
Of recklessness and water._

_They cannot see me naked.  
These things, they go away,  
Replaced by everyday_

Slowly, the incense filled the air. Raven inhaled deeply, calming herself and began to find her center. Chanting softly, she closed her eyes. She remembered how the others had not understood her need for private mediation at first. But she did not seek this solace for herself. She did it alone because of her friends. She remembered the first time, she had mediated, in Azarath. She had wanted to learn the answer to a riddle proposed by one of her teachers. At first, she had been filled with calm. But then, Raven began to feel something else. Something was growing inside her, something evil. She had opened her eyes and looked in a mirror. She had seen the face of a monster overlapping her own. She had seen the face of her father. Form that day on, she had used it as a shield, a way to block off his evil influence, never to learn of herself. It was Raven's secret fear, that someday, her friends would learn of her true nature and reject her. Perhaps, after all that time, they would accept her, but she could never take that chance. Suddenly, Terra's face filled her vision. Annoyed she tried to banish it, but it remained.

_Nightswimming, remembering that night.  
September's coming soon.  
I'm pining for the moon.  
And what if there were two  
Side by side in orbit  
Around the fairest sun?  
That bright, tight forever drum  
Could not describe nightswimming._

_You have found your peace._ said a voice form the corner of her mind. Raven's eyes opened wide. She had never heard a voice before, and she did not understand what it meant. What did Terra have to do with her fear? Terra had never been her friend, just someone who had betrayed her... _And still, you mourn for her._ said the voice again. _Why?_ Raven realized that she didn't know. Why had Terra had such an impact on her? Was she wrong? Yes. Terra _had_ been her friend. But it was more.

_You, I thought I knew you.  
You I cannot judge.  
You, I thought you knew me,  
this one laughing quietly underneath my breath.  
Nightswimming._

She remembered how she had felt after Terra's sacrifice. Part of her had still hated her for what she had done. But another part had... envied her. Because Terra had had a secret too. Yes, it was a horrible secret, not as bad as hers, but still horrible. And yet, she had let it out. She had let herself be seen at the core, and yet at the end, hadn't they all accepted her? Hadn't she become one of them again, in memory if not in being? She had done all that, and Raven stayed the same, shrouded by her fears and mystery. Was that why she couldn't get Terra's face out of her head? Because in the end.. Raven envied her?

_The photograph reflects,  
Every streetlight a reminder.  
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night, deserves a quiet night._


	6. Find the River

Find the River

_Hey now, little speedyhead,  
the read on the speedmeter says  
you have to go to task in the city_

She sat there alone, as the tears crept down her face. Everything had fallen apart, everything she had built was going. But wasn't that what happened? When you built on bad foundations, didn't it always fall to the ground? Why had she thought that this would work out any differently? It was so stupid; she'd let her want for control blind her to what was going to happen. And now, there was no one left to turn to; that was her fault too. All she had was the dark master she had foolishly aligned herself with.

_Where people drown and people serve.  
Don't be shy. Your just deserve  
is only just light years to go._

Suddenly, she heard footsteps coming near her. Had he come back to punish her again? But then a familiar voice said her name. "Terra?" Beast Boy! He'd come... no not to save her. To destroy her. Well, she had earned it, she wouldn't stop him. "Destroy me, quick!" "What?" he said. "Isn't that what you want?" she cried out. "Hurry before.." Suddenly, the pain ripped through her again. Slade was back, and now, Beast Boy was going to die. But maybe he would destroy her instead. Yes, that had to be her hope now.

_Me, my thoughts are flower strewn  
ocean storm, bayberry moon.  
I have got to leave to find my way.  
Watch the road and memorize  
this life that pass before my eyes.  
Nothing is going my way._

"Don't let him control you!" he yelled as he dodged her assault. "I can't he's too strong!" she cried. "Stop lying! You always had a choice. You choose to betray us, you chose to work for Slade, and you're choosing to let him control you." He walked up to her and looked her right in the eyes. "Slade isn't doing this Terra, you are!" "NOO!: she screamed as the earth itself moved in her rage. There was a huge cloud of dust and when it cleared, he was stuck under a rock. "Very good apprentice." said Slade, as he used her body to fashion a giant spike right over his head. God, she couldn't let this happen, not after all they had been through together. But her control was gone.. wasn't it? Was she just giving up? Before she could answer, the other Titans raced in. "Don't do it!" they kept screaming at her. "I gave you an order!" Slade yelled back. The voices began to mix in her head; she didn't know what to do.

_The ocean is the river's goal,  
a need to leave the water knows  
We're closer now than light years to go.  
_

Then he spoke. His voice was all that she needed. "I'm sorry, Beast Boy. For everything I've done." Then, gathering all the strength left in her, she ignored Slade's commands and hurled the spike at him. He dodged it, but she continued to fight. He wouldn't control her ever again.

_  
I have got to find the river,  
bergamot and vetiver  
run through my head and fall away.  
Leave the road and memorize  
this life that pass before my eyes.  
Nothing is going my way.  
_

She floated up to the top of cliff. He was gone, at long last. But what about her? Could the Titans take her back? Would they? But as she floated down, she realized that the goun below them was shaking. "It's a volcano!" yelled Cyborg. "And it's too big to stop." "Everybody out!" yelled Robin. The Titans started to leave, but he stayed behind. For her, she realized. But he couldn't stay. No, not now. she was finally free of Slade, and it was time to make amends.

_  
There's no one left to take the lead,  
but I tell you and you can see  
we're closer now than light years to go.  
Pick up here and chase the ride.  
The river empties to the tide.  
Fall into the ocean.  
_

"We have to go Terra!" he yelled. "No, I have to stay." She answered. "Why?" "Because I'm the only one who can do anything." "It's too late." She smiled, and said, "It's never too late." He looked at her a moment longer, then embraced her. As the tears fell down her face, she said, "You were the best friend I ever had." They parted, and after one last look he left with the others. Terra stood for a moment, then began to gather all her strength. She didn't know if she would survive this, or if she would ever see them again. She wondered if they would remember her after all she had done. But then she remembered something her father had said to her once. "Everyone gets a chance to do one great thing in their lives. It's what they do in that moment that decides who they are." She hoped that was true. Her strength reached it's max, and with one last cry of fury, she let it loose........

_  
The river to the ocean goes,  
a fortune for the undertow.  
None of this is going my way.  
There is nothing left to throw  
of Ginger, lemon, indigo,  
coriander stem and rose of hay.  
Strength and courage overrides  
the privileged and weary eyes  
of river poet search naivete.  
Pick up here and chase the ride.  
The river empties to the tide.  
All of this is coming your way._

And that's the end. Thanks to everybody who read and reviewed something I've wanted to do for a very long time.


End file.
